Guys with Towels

Why I Love Video On-Demand Services

2008-02-13 16:30:00

So I eventually gave up on Channel 4's 4oD service after about a week because the software crashed like 3 times a day (when it wasn't even supposed to be doing anything).

I recently installed the BBC's iPlayer download manager (or is it a delivery manager? They don't seem to be sure which word they're going to use from one piece of UI text to the next). I'd been a happy user of the Flash-based web version of iPlayer, but I thought I'd try out the high quality download thing.

Now, I had configured it to only share programs when the Download Manager was running. That's the options btw - ON or OFF. What do you mean, you want to control the amount of bandwidth? Sod off - do you think it's your internet connection or something?

Anyway, even though it was supposed to be off, sure enough, after about a day of having it installed, I get the same stuff that 4oD used to throw at me:

So that's good.

I'm told they both use the same Kontiki piece of crap system for p2p sharing, which I guess is why they both crash more often than Britney Spears on a school run.

Nice job, guys. The Â£5m was totally worth it.

Let's interlock brainspaces to form a centre of excellence

2008-01-26 16:50:00

Crikey. When did engineers start to talk like Gus from Drop the Dead Donkey?

Check out this post from the Google Maps dev blog:

Speak English, dammit!

I love the way he says 'transitioned' when he means 'moved'.

And don't get me started on 'empowers'.

Jesus H. Corbett

2008-01-12 11:00:00

This is the start of a comic series I've been planning called 'The J.C.', for which the concept is teen angst drama (Smallville, The O.C., etc) meets well, you can probably guess soon enough.

I had previously promised myself not to release the start of this series until I had written a certain number of scripts...but I wrote some more scripts recently which I liked, so I feel like I'm going to ignore my own prohibition.

I'm still way off my target, and so I won't release any more until I've hit that target (and learned to draw!), but this first comic has a Christmas theme, so what the hell!

So, let's get on and pitch issue #1 into the world:

With a bit of luck it might make you smile.

NB: the art style will change radically for subsequent issues. In other words, it won't be nearly as good.

Worzel Gummidge Convention

2008-01-11 11:00:00

I was watching an episode of The Bill a while back, and one scene gave me a flashback to that old Jon Pertwee TV programme:

"If you cannot afford a hairdresser, one will be provided for you by the court..."

Character Assassination

2008-01-10 21:04:00

I'm learning the programming language Ruby at the moment. Well, sort of.

I get the feeling whenever someone designs a new programming language, they have a sort of grudge that certain non-alphanumeric characters are not being used enough, so they push them in their language.

In Ruby, it seems that : and < are the new black.

In Python the emphasis was put on spaces and tabs, in a left-field manoeuvre that no-one saw coming.

Most famously in Perl, of course, they couldn't decide, so they decided to push all the characters they could find, for *%$@#&'s sake.

The Future of Video Rental!

2008-01-10 00:35:00

Update: A kindly person from the Xbox team has (indirectly) pointed out that in the XBLA screen, you can choose to view games that you recently downloaded, which addresses one of my complaints below. I think this was a new feature of the last Dashboard update, because I hadn't seen it before. I notice you can also view your 'Recently Played' games, which is also handy. Yay! (At least, I think that one's a new feature...hmm...)

My Xbox 360 has been dropping heavy hints about the fact that I can now rent movies from Xbox Live Marketplace for a few weeks now, so on a whim I decided to try it out.

I was tempted to watch 300, but that's like Â£2.99 on DVD now, so I went for Zodiac instead. I plumped for the more expensive HD (720p) version just for the hell of it, even though I probably can't tell the difference from my sofa unless I'm wearing my glasses. It comes to about Â£4.50 I think, for the HD version.

Zodiac!

Anyway, it was 6.9Gb to download, so I set it going and then left the Xbox 360 on the 'Active Downloads' screen, so I could tell when it had finished easily.

Next day, I check the Xbox 360:

Yay! It's finished downloading.

Cool. Let's watch the movie. Now, will it be under Xbox Live Marketplace, or under my media tab..? I am always amazed that the 360 Dashboard doesn't have a 'show me the stuff I downloaded recently' facility. For instance, I have a 120Gb Elite Xbox 360, so I have about 135 games in my Xbox Live Arcade section. Whenever I try a new one, the 360 always makes me go and find it in that list of 135 games. That always makes for a great UX, let me tell you. (Note: see update above)

Oh, well. Let's try the media tab first...

It ought to be in here somewhere

The 'Video store' option just takes me to the place where I bought the video, so let's try the 'Videos' section:

Oh. Not in there then.

This isn't good. Maybe I am supposed to access it via the Video store after all. Let's go there:

Zodiac. Again.

Ok, so there's the movie. It seems to think I have it already, judging from the 'tick' mark next to the movie. Ok, so let's select it and watch the movie!

Huh?

Er, it thinks I want to rent this movie. Surely it knows I've already rented it? Well, ok, maybe it will notice I already have it later, so let's carry on.

No kidding, professsor!

At this point my Xbox 360 decides to get all existential on my ass, informing me that I 'may' have downloaded this movie before. May? May? From the console's total lack of information about my movie download status, I certainly have no idea whether it worked, but surely the freakin' console has some idea if it worked or not?!

Aside: the same thing happens if you try to download something and the download queue is full (*ahem* CString Downloads[6]; *ahem*) - the download fails, but the 360 still thinks you may have downloaded it. Maybe. Possibly. Look, just get off its fucking back, ok? What do you think it is, some kind of goddamn computer?! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

I'm sorry, but this really has nothing to do with us

At this point, I try hunting around all the tabs/places I can think of, but I am utterly unable to find the damn movie anywhere.

I decide to call Xbox support for a laugh. The nice lady from the outsourcing office on the Moon tells me to try a few things, culminating in going to the 'System' tab. The System tab? I had honestly never thought of going there to find my downloaded Zodiac movie. So anyway, we go there on a voyage of discovery:

The System tab. For all your movie rental needs.

The Xbot tells me to hit that Memory option, so we go deeper, and see how far the rabbit hole goes:

UI principle #35: Don't make the user choose when there is only one choice.

Er, I guess I'll choose my hard disc unit then. Seems like the most sensible course of action.

Ooh, videos!

I excitedly choose the 'Videos' option:

That doesn't look good.

Now, I'm pretty sure that the icon for the movie 'Zodiac' isn't supposed to be a warning triangle. Let's get some more info:

Incomplete? Incomplete?! Thanks for letting me know!

The nice lady explains that the movie didn't download properly. She is unable to offer me any information as to why this might be, or why the software didn't tell me this, etc. I find I have lost interest in Xbox Live movie rentals, so I ask if the points can be refunded to my account.

This turns out to be a secret time-sink, as I then have to create a customer account with her on the phone (Hello? Don't I already have an account with Xbox Live, ffs?) and faff about waiting on hold while she confirms things, etc.

In all, I'm on the phone for 20 minutes and end up with the promise that the points will be refunded to my account within 72 hours.

It makes going to Blockbuster look convenient.

Hilarious Japes I Never Followed Through On #38

2008-01-09 18:29:00

I always thought the custom engraving option for iPods was open to abuse...

I wonder if they are checked by humans before shipping.

Not Poems and Rubbish

2008-01-09 17:23:00

I was listening to War of the Worlds by Jeff Wayne today, and it suddenly occurred to me that the Artilleryman is an Open Source Software zealot.

"We're gonna build a whole new world for ourselves."
"It's not been so great living up here, if you want my opinion."
"Take a look around you at the world we've come to know
Does it seem to be much more than a crazy circus show
But maybe from the madness something beautiful will grow
In a brave new world."
"Man is born in freedom but he soon becomes a slave
In cages of convention from the cradle to the grave
The weak fall by the wayside but the strong will be saved."
"In a brave new world
With just a handful of men
We'll start all over again."
"I'm not trying to tell you what to be
Oh no, oh no, not me
But if mankind is to survive
The people left alive
They're gonna have to build this world anew
And it's going to have to start with me and you."
"Imagine the destruction of all that you despise
Slowly from the ashes the phoenix will arise."
"Take a look around you at the world you've loved so well
And bid the ageing empire of man a last farewell
It may not sound like Heaven but at least it isn't Hell."
"I've got a plan!"
"Nothing can stop men like us. I've made a start already.
Come on down here and have a look."

All these years, and I never realised it.

It's doing the working and the thinking that wears a feller out.

Fascist with a Forum Thread

2007-04-23 18:00:00

A few months back, I got a new TV, which is 16:9. This means it's different to my 2nd TV, which is 4:3. Therefore I can't use Windows Media Centre on both TVs without a lot of faffing about changing screen modes or moving/maximising windows, etc.

So I solved this problem by writing Switch MCE, which lets you use a button on the MCE remote to flip the MCE window around from one TV to another:

And so my plan to take over the world via a small army of utilities is stepped up a notch.

Ph34r me!

Get Switch MCE here.

(I realise that as I have written a piece of software in the area of DVR/media center applications, the usual tradition is to start an interminable thread on some AV forum somewhere, and gleefully rule that thread with an iron-fist, banning people and subjects who displease me, demanding that you all swear fealty to me and/or fall on your swords at my command, threatening to take my ball away and play somewhere else, and so on, like some sort of tin-pot frustrated little Hitler, in return for the vague promise that I might possibly make some of my software open source at some as yet unspecified time in the future, and eke out this sad little fiefdom for 2 to 3 years to bolster my own ego, but to be honest, I just can't be arsed, so I've put this on my website instead. Deal.)

To the HP employee who packed and posted my replacement laptop keyboard...

2007-04-20 22:30:00

To the HP employee who packed and posted my replacement laptop keyboard...

You did it wrong.

That is all.